i'm dying. all the coffee i'm drinking is giving me pain in my chest. i seldom get pains in my chest. could my heart actually be in trouble? is my heart pounding on the inside of my chest yelling, "say sorry, you idiot! you cared so much and so it is your fault!"
caring usually stinks. at best it's fine. fine, the way going to your dentist is fine. a week ago i've gone through a really bad day just because i cared. i was in my workplace the time when the world seemed to collapse. who cares if people see me crying? i don't mind, they don't know me anyway. that moment made me feel like a complete idiot, i did curl up in my bed and cry while listening to Blue Merle's Boxcar Racer, the same way i did after i found out a friend has been dating the boy i like. boy, was i pathetic!
i saw that people had to work really hard to maintain a satisfying relationship. sometimes so hard that it would cost your relationship with your family. if that is the concept of a healthy relationship, i'd rather be single for the rest of my sorry life than be happy superficially and selfishly with the one i so chose to live with and let my family be burdened with the decision i made. unfortunately, i know a person who had just decided on his own without even thinking of what his family feels about his very wise decision. it was so wise i'd like to clobber his face, or if that won't work, i'd try knocking his head with a hammer just so he'd wake up from his insanity and have the damsel in distress stop controlling his gray matter.
everything was a mess. we even came to the point of discussing the matter through the cheap service of sms, we both said what we had to say like blah, blah, and blah... and i ended up to be the evil sister while that damsel in distress the innocent-looking, dumbass Cinderella.
nah, i haven't swallowed any bitter pill. it's just that ever since a child, i already cleared the fairy tale floating around my brain about being whisked off my feet into some doe-eyed stupor. i ditched the "You and Me against the World"- inspired daydreams. now, i really am worried about my brother's decision (yes, i'm talking about my "eldest" brother) because i do think his head is clouded by that dream. thanks to his insecure, obsessive girlfriend (the damsel in distress) who injected in his head the thought of an evil sister who gets in their way to curb their "Love Boat" lasting Caribbean cruises. oh my, he didn't even think i was just concern about his well-being, that i cared about him. he thinks i can't be happy for him. he tells me i'm selfish and that i didn't even care about his feelings. i didn't say anything. darn it. i still have a hard time expressing my feelings. why does it always happen? the very people i cared most about are the very people who hurts me when i show them i care. i don't want to go back to the time when i didn't care about anything or anybody, but i must admit my life then was less complicated because i don't have investments on relationships. people come and go. a life less mushy.
caring usually stinks. at best it's fine. fine, the way going to your dentist is fine. a week ago i've gone through a really bad day just because i cared. i was in my workplace the time when the world seemed to collapse. who cares if people see me crying? i don't mind, they don't know me anyway. that moment made me feel like a complete idiot, i did curl up in my bed and cry while listening to Blue Merle's Boxcar Racer, the same way i did after i found out a friend has been dating the boy i like. boy, was i pathetic!
i saw that people had to work really hard to maintain a satisfying relationship. sometimes so hard that it would cost your relationship with your family. if that is the concept of a healthy relationship, i'd rather be single for the rest of my sorry life than be happy superficially and selfishly with the one i so chose to live with and let my family be burdened with the decision i made. unfortunately, i know a person who had just decided on his own without even thinking of what his family feels about his very wise decision. it was so wise i'd like to clobber his face, or if that won't work, i'd try knocking his head with a hammer just so he'd wake up from his insanity and have the damsel in distress stop controlling his gray matter.
everything was a mess. we even came to the point of discussing the matter through the cheap service of sms, we both said what we had to say like blah, blah, and blah... and i ended up to be the evil sister while that damsel in distress the innocent-looking, dumbass Cinderella.
nah, i haven't swallowed any bitter pill. it's just that ever since a child, i already cleared the fairy tale floating around my brain about being whisked off my feet into some doe-eyed stupor. i ditched the "You and Me against the World"- inspired daydreams. now, i really am worried about my brother's decision (yes, i'm talking about my "eldest" brother) because i do think his head is clouded by that dream. thanks to his insecure, obsessive girlfriend (the damsel in distress) who injected in his head the thought of an evil sister who gets in their way to curb their "Love Boat" lasting Caribbean cruises. oh my, he didn't even think i was just concern about his well-being, that i cared about him. he thinks i can't be happy for him. he tells me i'm selfish and that i didn't even care about his feelings. i didn't say anything. darn it. i still have a hard time expressing my feelings. why does it always happen? the very people i cared most about are the very people who hurts me when i show them i care. i don't want to go back to the time when i didn't care about anything or anybody, but i must admit my life then was less complicated because i don't have investments on relationships. people come and go. a life less mushy.
now, never mind me and my feelings. it boils down to the point that Romeo and Juliet must still go on and live happily ever after. i wish. but what if their story will end up like Shakespeare's? nah, i don't mean they'd die, i'm talking figuratively. he'd still be welcome in our family if his boat gets tossed in the sea on a stormy weather. now, it is with all hope and prayer that he'll be fine, and will not regret the decision he made.
sigh. most of the time, people who learned from other's mistakes are wiser.
sigh. most of the time, people who learned from other's mistakes are wiser.
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