pick me up!

I could hardly expect people to understand me when I’m beyond comprehension nowadays. It’s been a week since I last spent quality time with any member of my family, and the moment I get out of school and production work, all I could think about is collapsing in bed. The only time I broke away from this routine was when I realized that my quiet time was not in its good condition anymore. Suddenly I couldn’t comprehend Joshua’s war story. Even if I study hermeneutics, I would only look at it as mere literature entertaining me. That’s how my quiet time suffers; I was reeling from exhaustion (physically, mentally, emotionally and oh, spiritually) I kept wishing I was lying in bed. To top it all off, I’ve been extremely moody and difficult to deal with. The people closest to me had to be the recipients of my wrath. My tongue has been extra acidic, my mood shifts faster than you could say fickle-minded, and I am almost always angry. Nobody actually understands. I don’t care. I’m used to dealing with things like this alone all my life and this isn’t any different. I am not friendless; I’m just not fond of sharing my so-called burdens as long as I can handle them. I was told my hormones are affecting me because of my period and I should be pleasant again in a few days. I hope so. I do not fancy taking prozac to stabilize my mood. I am no Virginia Woolf. What I really want to do now is to go away somewhere, Kota Kinabalu, if possible, and become incommunicado. I want to really know if I am as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be or if I am only expecting God to be kind to me. I have to recall what God remembers – “You are not in love with Me now, but I remember a time when you were. I remember… the love of your betrothal…” (Jeremiah 2:2). Oh well, maybe the reason why I’m always in bad mood is that I just didn’t allow the Holy Spirit to work on me. Tsk tsk tsk!